My Current Get-Rich-Quick Schemes

1. Get a summer job.
However glamorous this option seems, the ultimate outcome seems more grim with each passing day. I would love nothing more to flip burgers at McDonald's or do whatever it is they do at the Container Store all day. The harsh truth is that being a film kid, I'm not qualified to work anywhere.

2. Make a blog
I don't know really how I thought this blog would make me money, but it was a false hope because this blog has wasted only minutes of my time and has yielded me a high slacker raise. Being a slacker, I have my own salary and I love to give myself outrageous bonuses. I gave myself a 300,000% bonus. Unfortunately, when you multiply anything by zero, it remains zero.

3. Selling stuff on Craigslist
This seems like a good idea until some dude forges PayPal emails, threatens you with fake emails from the FBI, and asks you to send stuff to Nigeria. I don't know much about Nigeria, but it sounds like they have a booming economy based on so many items being shipped there recently. Mabye we should just move to Nigeria until this economic crisis ends. I'm sure it's like heaven with taquitos and flip flops there.

4. Make an iPhone application
I realized when coming up with this ingenious idea that I have no programming knowledge and therefore would have no idea how to make an iPhone app. I've had good ideas though. My ideas include "Gaydar," which is a picture application. You upload a picture of someone and the application tells you if the person is gay. Another one is "Gay Genie," which is an application in which you upload a picture, rub the iPhone, and Gay Genie makes the picture FABULOUS! My last idea is to make an action game called "Prop 8: The Game," in which homosexual heroes kick the asses of a bunch of politicians.

5. Hope I make it into the film industry
That's kind of the point of college. Wish me luck.