A Friendly Rant About: Trees

When reminiscing about the bubbling delight of an actress, Zooey Deschanel, I was informed that even her endearing charm couldn't save the terrible film, "The Happening." I told my friend two things. One is that "The Happening" is a happening that won't be happening in my life. Ever. The other is that that movie gives trees a bad name. It basically says that trees can fuck up humanity, but in the context of such a horrible film, it is hard to take the brute killing force of trees seriously.

So, my friends, I decided that trees are a large part of nature that go very under appreciated in today's society. Not only do trees provide oxygen (kind of important or whatever), shade, and occasionally coconuts, but they provide joy to the people who gaze upon them. They can take up entire forests, or they can be lone wolves on the side of a highway. Yes, I'm referring to you, Jerry Bruckheimer tree, which I saw on Highway 5. In some lands trees come to life and fight battles. Such lands would include Middle East. Earth* [Note to self: Does Middle Earth = Middle East... interesting.]

A group that I truly respect for their obvious knowledge and praise of trees is the rock band, Rush (aka the Holy Trinity). Rush wrote a song entitled "The Trees," which although is not very clever in being mysterious about the lyrical acumen, the title is definintely concise and to the point. The song is about the everlasting battle between the oaks and maples about who gets more sunlight and shennanigans that ensue.

I've always wondered how plants can be considered alive. I understand that they can photosynthesize the fuck out of the sun, but trees don't move, speak, jimp (scratch that. That's totally what sap is), patronize, pretend, or really do anything interesting. I have some acquaintances that would bore me more than a day "chillaxin'" with trees, but trees, although magnificent, monstrous, and illustrous, are actually kind of boring. Sorry, trees. I still think you're cool.