A Script for a New Super Weight Loss Diet!

Hi, Billy Mays here, and boy do I have a weight loss solution for YOU! Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror, puddle of oil, or that special ladyfriend's eyes and thought, holy shit, I am one ugly motherfucker? Well, I haven't, but so many other people have!

If you can describe your amorphous appearance as chunky, bulgy, flabby, flappy, fluffy, obese, thick, or hippo, then you MUST try The Allergen Diet. This diet isn't like other bullshit diets that limit the food you can eat or only make you lose weight temporarily! The Allergen Diet sheds weight LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER and keeps THAT FUCKING SHIT OFF!

All you have to do on the Allergen Diet is find something you are near* deadly allergic to, embrace that allergen, and let the weight loss come to you... or leave you, if you know what I mean. But don't trust just me. Hear some of our testimonials, "... the diet was really... [great]..." Wow!

To join the Allergen Diet, just have an allergic reaction! It's just that simple. The Allergen Diet is sweeping the nation and is becoming the world's most popular diet (except for the Black Plague, of course). To order supplies to induce an allergic reaction in YOUR HOME, call 1-800-W-A-I-T-L-O-S. If you want to see results now and aren't too scared to face your fears, start the Allergen Diet TODAY!