So My Cat is an Über Haxzor

If this blog is really a representation of the happenings of my life, it would be very sad, since it would mean in the past few months I've had a couple of random thoughts and bought a cool jacket. Something that was a very huge part of my life that somehow never got mentioned was the induction of a new member of the family. He is a cat. He is a kitty cat. He does dance dance dance. He also dance dance dances. His name is Bender Bending Rodriguez in honor of the gray, mischievous, and lovable character from Futurama. The television star, Bender ha hecho en Mexico, and we have no idea where our little rascal was made. He's from the streets. You would never know except that hosted a drive by once while driving to Del Taco. To be fair, the hooligans trying to drunkenly pretend to drive a car through the drive thru definitely did deserve what was coming to them.

In any case, we found him and domesticated the shit out of him. He is now a five pound sleek body of fur that spends most of its time resting in armpits or in the crevice of lower backs. When he is not being ridiculously lazy, photogenic, or eating, our little Bender has began on a world domination plot so devious, even he hasn't conceived it yet.

One of Bender's hobbies has been to be a surprised kitten and then a keyboard cat. He first thought his entitled bed was my laptop keyboard. Being raised with a silver keyboard in hand, Bender has always been good with technology. His track record for hacking skills include minimizing windows in slow motion, renaming applications and corrupting them, and typing encrypted messages to contacts of mine on the inside. It has been reported that today, he has officially begun Operation Fuck Up Zander's Computer by opening up some function that loudly narrates every keystroke, every clicked file, and every movement on the computer. Everything I do is now being closely monitored. It's only a matter of time before his efforts pay off and the world is his. For now, he's either licking his leg or getting fiesty with someone's underarm. More on this story as it develops!

The Bodacious Baptism of Bon Jacket

To begin, I love thrift shopping. On the application FourSquare, I have established myself as the mayor of both Salvation Army and Goodwill. I hope that being entrusted with my community will be able to make some change in these peoples' lives. As their mayor, my first order of business is to thrift a lot. And I mean a ton. Competitively. Like a sport. Though, being the mayor also means I must gracefully throw in the towel (75% if they have 3 or more stains) to allow others to have the generous bounty.

With frequenting these discount clothing stores, you come to realize that pretty much everything in the store except one magical article of clothing is valued at the equivalent of a nonchalant middle finger. I can look through hundreds of shirts from lame company BBQs only to be saddened to realize that the few awesome (or hilariously ironic) clothing is at least 2XL. Until the event happened.

I'll admit, I got some unusual looks while searching the women's jacket section with my friend, Kyle, but with so much to gain, that is insignificant. After groping through numerous creepy types of fabric, my hands landed on the winner. The jackpot. The goldmine. The jacket it landed on was my destiny. It is a light brown suede jacket that is EXTREMELY* soft in the entire interior. I fell in love. I wore it. Just my size, of course. I paid for it, departed and since then I've felt that much more like Bon Jovi. And that was the birth... of Bon Jacket.

Coming soon to a party on top of you!

*understatement